Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
