I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish my penis had a tongue
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
