Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
