oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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