Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
