quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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