AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
