2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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