Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
