I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
