think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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