We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
