Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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