Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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