Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
