Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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