There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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