I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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