Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
