you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
