He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
