Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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