i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
