filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
