just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
