Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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