Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
