My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
