If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
