Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
