I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??