if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
