Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.