Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones