people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
