when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
