I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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