Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
