i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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