Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
