I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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