Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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