Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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