he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
