Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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