So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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