There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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