fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
