He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
