Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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