I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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