I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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