I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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