I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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