Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
