I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
