I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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