I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
