I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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