1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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