its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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