Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
