I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
