i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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