Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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