Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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